Zombies in stores! I don’t mean available for purchase. Who the hell would want to do that? What the hell is wrong with you, buying a zombie? They’re dangerous. Seriously, anything beyond a rental, a lease if you’re really debauched, and you’re just wasting your money, as well as the lives of yourselves and your loved ones. I mean, zombies are IN stores, doing the purchasing. To clear up the misunderstanding, check out the latest episode of Zombie Radio Show!
It has been estimated by the City Commerce Commission that zombies stumbling around the city are hoarding 37% of the city’s liquid wealth, as well as other fluids. Bank accounts, containing tens of millions, sit untouched in the banks, as well as countless stock portfolios and credit accounts. It has been estimated that if the average zombie has $.73 of spare change in their pockets, that represents– a shitload of money, Jazz Fans. But who’s going to ask a zombie for spare change? (Probably the same moron who would try to buy one in a store. Idiot. Seriously.)
But Gurgle Inc., the new chain store popping up all over the city, has brazenly claimed the zombie market! Ignoring the second class status of this much-maligned group, as well as the blood on their face and the brains on their breath, Gurgle Inc. has embraced this huge, undead zombie market with a fervency they would never use with an actual zombie. First off, embracing a zombie is dangerous, sticky and infectious. Embracing the market is profitable. To see the video adaptation of this embrace, click the thumbnail below!
You may say that it is immoral to exploit the zombie market, as well as dangerous and economically uncertain. But it sure beats dipping your toe in the China market. Those cats are dangerous!