Zombie Test-Eeze? I don’t know about that, but the city must have huge Test-Eeze to leave me swinging like this!
Heyyy, Jazz Fans! Well, I’m back inside, so I guess I should be grateful. But I look around at all the money that the city is making from zombie property, from undead yard sales to foreclosed property to reverse mortgages on the pre-dead, and.. well, I won’t be bashful. I wants me some. Jimmy wants some of that. Give Jimmy sum shugah!
It’s not like I don’t deserve it, Jazz Fans. I’ve been a big part of this city for years. Back in my youth, when I was young and vigorous, and the city started their unemployment offices, I was there to support the program on Day 1! Even though I was an adult and didn’t attend, I went out of my way to take part in the local public school’s free lunch program, and I even brought friends and business associates. And don’t even talk to me about food stamps. I was Mr. Stamps’ best customer. And loyal, too. While other Food Stamp users abandoned the program when they got rich and famous, I kept showing up every food stamp distribution day, no matter how wealthy I became. (Never forget, Jazz Fans– it’s important to give back!)
But now that the tables have turned, is the city showing me any love? Well, see for yourself, folk. Check outthe video adaptation of this week’s episode below!
I know, right?
I don’t know, Jazz Fans, but I’m taking this as a learning moment. If I ever get the opportunity to disperse the resources of our fair city, I promise to make sure that more of them get distributed fairly to yours truly. And you can take that to the bank! (And by you, I mean me.)