Zombie Law! The course that John Houseman can still teach! Although I’d hate to see what you’d have to do for extra credit. “We get brains the old fashioned way– we earrrrrrn it.” But we now that the city municipality is trying to weigh in on the status of zombies, things are getting a little confusing. To see what I mean, just give a listen to this week’s episode of Zombie Radio Show!
Benjamen Franklin famously said that only two things in life were certain– death and taxes. But should the dead pay taxes? Would brains be considered a capital gain? And who will audit these creatures?
I feel as though we’ve opened Pandora’s Box here, Jazz Fans. Once you try to confer (sorry, Vince, there’s that word again) a legal status on a being who is medically dead, yet alive enough to kill you, you are stepping into a hazardous legal wasteland populated by bloodthirsty depositions, fish-eyed claimants behind every corner, and the shrill sound of torts clamoring for you in the night. And if you think that’s scary, check out the video adaptation of this week’s episode!
Let’s take a common case, or common for J-Bo, anyway. She kills a zombie. The zombie was clamoring for her brains, so technically, that’s self-defense. So far, so good. But does she have a witness able to testify that the zombie actually made a move for her brains, or did she just assume the zombie would do so? Was the zombie armed, or do zombie arms alone count as weapons? Did she have a motive for killing the zombie besides self-defense? Did she, in killing the zombie, violate the zombie’s civil rights? What civil rights does a zombie enjoy? Did she say anything while killing the zombie, like “Stupid zombie!” Because we may be looking at a hate crime.
Yes, things get complicated when laws include zombies. But we’ll figure it out, Jazz Fans. And if you want to be “in the know”, be sure to follow your old pal Jimmy on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and subscribe to our YouTube channel. If you don’t, you might just be in law breakage.