Zombie Hoarding doesn’t mean a zombie keeping a stash of brains in an air duct– it means living people keeping zombies undead. Aren’t we supposed to be trying to kill these things?
Heyyy, Jazz Fans, Jimmy Rudolph here. I don’t claim to be particularly noble. If there’s a seat on the subway, I grab it, no matter how many pregnant women are standing up. (Maybe if you weren’t having so much sex, you’d have the energy to stand.) And yes, if a zombie is coming on strong, I’ve been known to grab a puppy and toss it the zombie’s way. As they say, if you lie down with dogs, you wake up with zombie bafflers. But if we’re going to kill zombies, shouldn’t we kill all of them? (And by we, I mean others.) Yet there are those, in power, who disagree. Just check out this classic clip from Zombie Radio Show.
Sure, it’s difficult to kill a loved one. But keep in mind, one man’s loved one is another man’s predator. The fact that Enid was a good and loving wife for over fifty years, a mother to four wonderful children and liked to play mah-jongg means nothing to me if she’s trying to gnaw through my skull. She’s crossed a line at that point, and needs to be swiftly and mercilessly decapitated. A little more swiftly, please– I have an appointment across town.
I’ve heard the arguments, that zombies are safe if you keep them locked up in the basement, or the attic. But they always get out sooner or later. Remember the Perkins, who kept their little zombified daughter in the wooden crate where they had kept their board games. One cocktail party later, one drunken guest looking to score a little Scrabble, and you’ve got four corpses and a zombie on the loose. Three days later, you’ve got five zombies on the loose. And no one likes Scrabble that much.
Think about it, Jazz Fans. And while you’re musing, follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and subscribe to us on YouTube. Until then, if you see a zombie, kill it, if you know a zombie, kill it, and if that zombie should be me, just lock me in the sound booth, put on some Max Roach and walk away.