A stiff zombie? Seems like an oxymoron. Still, I can’t help but notice how increasingly rigid things are around here! I used to wish, long, pray, for more stiffness. I used to even take a pill for it. But what I wouldn’t give for some flaccid enforcement right about now!
Hey, Jazz Fans, Jimmy Rudolph here– actually, I’m not here, I’m just outside of here, on a couch being snarled at by wild dogs who want my pizza. But I want to be here. But as always, the Man is getting in the way.
Since J-Bo decided she wanted my famous, secure and plushly designed DeNiro Bunker for herself, I’ve been in a Kafka-esque hell of unyielding rules that make no allowance for my humanity– probably because, under the law, I’m no longer human, but a zombie. Well, I’m here to tell you zombies have it tough.They can’t do anything that you can do, or I could do. They can’t vote, they can’t own property, they can’t sit in certain sections of the opera. All because they eat brains? Please! Wall Street eats the pensions of senior citizens, and seniors are more likely to use their pensions than their brains!
See? You thought I was kidding bout the dogs.
Well, Jazz Fans, I am running the legal gauntlet and jumping through the legislative loopholes, but I will never forget what it has been like to be treated like a zombie. The behavior that has been show to me has been downright inhuman. To deny zombies the most basic rights is the cruelest thing that you can do to them. Although I don’t pretend to speak for zombies (who would probably only say “Brainsssss,”) in my opinion it would be better for all concerned if we just chopped their heads off right now and get it over with, rather than deprive them of their rights one by one.
Of course, there’s no hurry to do that whole head chopping thing.