Zombies evacuating is one thing– but to see the entire city walking out on– well, the entire city– that was discouraging, Jazz Fans. The sight of all those New Yorkers lined up with their Yankees caps piled atop their heads, facing New Jersey, turned away from Canal Street– that sight broke my heart. It almost made me lose hope.
Heyyy, Jazz Fans, Jimmy Rudolph here, and I just want it on the record that I never really believed that New York was finished. If the crack epidemic, the recession, zombies and the garbage strike couldn’t kill New York, no way could one day of me being Mayor to the job. We’re survivors. We know how to cope! And all it took for New Yorkers to come to their senses was a helping hand. There’s nothing like the offer of help to restore New Yorkers to their natural state, and get them to stand up straight and proud, and say, as one– “Fuck you! Go help your mama!” To bring tears of pride to your eyes, watch the video adaptation below.
Yes, New York, things are worse than ever. On top of everything else that has gone wrong, you now find yourself stuck in armed conflict with the National Guard. As they heap their atrocities atop you, as they suspend your human rights, kick in your doors and rape your women, as they waterboard civilians and force rabbis to eat lobster, may these indignities forge a new spirit of rebellion in the Big Apple, and may they unite us all!
(And most of all, may they make you forget that I nearly destroyed the city when I was Mayor.)