Zombie but Equal? Absolutely! Jazz Fans, I’m no racist, no matter what the Dutch might say. I marched on Selma, for God’s sake! This was about twenty years after Dr. King marched there, but hey, the principle’s the same. I walked right into the gift shop and demanded rights for the consumers. “Free at last? With these prices? I don’t think so!” I’m staging a boycott of that gift shop to this day! So don’t call me a racist, you dike-fingering bastards.
But I never thought the day would come when zombies would become a civil rights issue. To be frank, I never thought the day would come when zombies existed, but there you go. Zombies exist, and the undead crisis has raised some spooks– I mean, ghosts. The same issues we fought, marched on and defeated are rearing their ugly heads like the zombies that re-animated them. Just check out this video to see what I mean…
When will we be able to put aside the racism that divides us? After all, when zombies spot us, vulnerable and alone on a street corner, trying to hail a taxi cab, do you think they see skin color. No, Jazz Fans! They see a brain delivery system, and any color will do.
In fact, come to think of it, zombies are the only ones out there who aren’t racist– apart from me. Maybe we should start learning from the zombies! Maybe we can look at blacks, browns, yellows, even (shudder!) the Dutch, not as different races, but as nothing more than a sequence of chemicals that we can completely exploit and devour. Maybe then, we can embrace people who are different, if not as brothers and sisters, then at least as meals. Everyone has something to offer, my friends, and it would be rude to refuse these gifts, whether offered voluntarily, or ripped from unyielding skulls.