Zombie Bunkers are precious commodities in these zombie-ridden times, Jazz Fans. People would kill for them. Well… in these zombie-ridden times, people would kill for all sorts of things. Gum, for instance. People would definitely kill for gum. Doublemint, unopened pack, worth about seven lives. Not counting the fifty cents for the actual gum. We’re not thieves, Jazz Fans– we pay our way. So imagine the depths to which we would sink for a state-of-the-art zombie bunker! Better yet, give a listen to this week’s episode of Zombie Radio Show!
Pretty sad, huh? Deception, trickery, inactivity in the face of grave danger– and a waste of perfectly good pastrami. What’s happened to us, Jazz Fans? There was a time, not long after the first zombie sighting, when we saw the threat coming over the horizon, and we knew that the only way we could make it through is if we pulled together. They might pick us off one by one if we went our own ways, but as one, we could outlast, thwart, even defeat and eliminate these brain-eating monsters. E Pluribus fucking Unum! In that golden, happy era of unity, we all worked together to build me a bunker. I like to think of it as our bunker, even though there’s only room in it for one. When the zombies finally swarm over all of us, you can be assured that you will live on in the concrete and steel reinforced walls and multi-lock doors that will keep me safe while you die. It’s a beautiful thing, Jazz Fans. To see for yourself, just check out the video adaptation of this week’s episode.
Now, as people try to take my bunker away, or insist that 7200 square feet is too much space for one man (apparently, those people haven’t seen my jazz collection!) I mournfully reminisce over those wonderful days when we all stood together to keep me safe and comfortable.
And if you’d like to stand together with Jimmy, you can follow him on Twitter, like him on Facebook, and subscribe to his YouTube channel. Just, don’t bring any zombies with you, or you’re on your own.