The Bionic Zombie! WZMB Zombie Radio Show Ep58 “Spinning Melissa”!

First there was the flap over GMOs, but Bionic Zombies? This takes genetic mutation farther than it should ever go! To make brain eating monsters better, stronger and faster seems a bit self-destructive to me. Zombies are more manageable when they’re organic and homegrown– when it comes to zombies, we should all go green! If you need further convincing, just check out Episode 58 of Zombie Radio Show!
Click Here to Listen to WZMB Zombie Radio Show Ep. 58!
Heyyy, Jazz Fans! Jimmy Rudolph here. Yes, green zombies are healthier. They are slower, less likely to catch you, and have less muscle tone then their bionic counterparts, so that if they should catch you and get their hands on your melon, they’ll probably be too exhausted to crack it open, and you can take your brains with you to heaven.
But those elitist scientists are always trying to make things better! Sure, it starts with self-flushing toilets and “Breast-o-vision”, but it’s just a matter of time before they come up with something virulent like the metric system, and our lives as we know it are over!
Take zombies. (Please!) Was it really necessary to improve them? They seem to be doing pretty well. Though sluggish and easily avoided, they are highly infectious and difficult to kill, like reality television. A little bite or scratch will infect the stoutest constitution. And though their lifeless, hungry faces are shallow mockeries of their former selves, they still strongly resemble people we once loved, before the whole brain-eating thing made it necessary for us to cut our losses, our friendship, and our friend’s head off the body. What purpose does giving them bionic arms and legs fulfill? What purpose that serves us, I mean? It seems an unnecessary adaptation. And speaking of unnecessary adaptations, here’s the video adaptation of this week’s episode. Enjoy!

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