New Zombies on the Block, and these Ghouls of Cool will steal your hearts, blow your minds and eat the rest! Yes, fans, I’m here to report on the latest sensation, the Zom-Boy Band “Brain Child”!
First, there’s Terry. Born in Brooklyn, killed in Staten Island, and reborn in the sludge by the East River, Terry was a precocious youngster. A brainy child, he soon mutated into a brain-loving monster. The girls all go crazy for his dimples, which you can see when he opens his cupid mouth to sing, or eat someone, even through the caked-on blood. But you can see the intelligence behind the milky caul of his eyes, and it’s that intelligence that has brought Brain Child to the top of the music industry, as well as many a scalp.
Perry can’t remember when he started dancing– probably because his brain’s memory section has been devoured– but it must have been early, because Perry has the moves that prove zombies can groove! His secret? Just before each performance, Agent/Manager Frankie Spitake wedges his damp hand into a 15,000 volt spotlight. His spasmodic gyrations have created crazes all over the world, with “The Exploding Jumping Bean” becoming its own hit single. Girls like to get close to the stage, in case bits of Perry should fly off. But don’t worry, girls– there’s plenty of Perry to go around!
And then, there’s Casey! The mere mention of his name sends women into a mindless panic, making eating their brains superfluous. His milky white skin, shimmering with waxen dreaminess, seems flawless– even the decomposing pus feels like silk, and the worms that crawl through his wounds are objects of envy for many a lovestruck fan. His desiccated vocal cords have been insured by Harrod’s, and the trademark gutteral croak has been called “Heaven’s Undead Choir.”
Sure, you may say, they’re just another Zom-Boy Band. The hype was huge around The HeartStoppers, and Oozers. But ask any fan, and they’ll tell you that Brain Child is different, and are sure to still be around long after the flesh has fallen from their skin. Which is technically true, but I think they were talking about the music.