You think it’s easy being Mayor?! You think that it’s all running around naked in Gracie Mansion, forcing city employees to form human pyramids and climbing all over them, eating all the Coney Island hotdogs you can requisition, telling the unions to go screw themselves, and getting front row seats at all Broadway shows and then heckling the performers? Well, that’s only 90% of the job. You also have to do stuff!
Heyyy, Jazz Fans! Jimmy Rudolph here, and I have to say, heavy is the head that wears the crown. When the people elected me as Mayor, I thought the sound of their voice was sweet and melodious. But since I assumed office, I’ve noticed that the voice of the people is actually kinda shrill, with a vibration that pierces your eardrums and an irritating lisp, until you just want to say “Hey, Voice of the People– Shut Up!” But they don’t jazz fans. They keep yapping.
But I did accomplish something, in one of the few times I was able to pull the pillows from my ears. I tackled some serious problems with one masterful stroke– a new t-shirt! One that promotes post-zombie apocalypse NYC as a tourist destination, instead of pretending the zombies don’t exist. I hope you all will support your old pal Jimmy and get yourself a shirt. Seriously. This is my legacy here!
I don’t know where my next brilliant, city-saving idea is going to come from, Jazz Fans. But when you elected Renquist, and when the city mistakenly switched my identity with his on the Zombie Test, and when I was accidentally whisked into office– well, it was the best move you could have made.