Happy Veteran’s Day, Jazz Fans! I hope you’ll take a moment to think kindly of our brave men and women who fought for our liberty.
This is Jimmy Rudolph from WZMB Zombie Radio Show. Now, fans, I never served in the military. I was exempted from service by my Congressman. But I did contribute to his war chest. And I like to think that makes me a veteran, in some small way. And even though I never toted a gun or heard a shot fired in anger, I’ve had guns toted for me, and have heard shots fired in mortal terror at oncoming zombies. And if I’ve never been shipped off to face death in foreign lands, I’ve still managed to have sex with squalid hookers from foreign lands. What I’m saying is, I stand by the veterans, or at least cower behind them.
In NYC, we have our Veteran’s Day Parade down 5th Ave. People don’t go to the parade like they used to since the zombie apocalypse. But the City Council has issued new safeguards for the participants, including a minimum speed of 45 mph, (I didn’t know those little Rotary cars could go that fast!), with emergency funding for piano razor wire and souvenir machetes that will be given to everyone that passes a sobriety test. The Queens Slapshots Kill Squad will be on hand performing maneuvers, making the event all the safer. I want to urge my fellow New Yorkers to go and wave at the Veterans as they speed by. The Veterans won’t wave back, as they need both hands on the wheel, but they’ll appreciate the gesture.
Finally, Jazz Fans, even though the national guard has steadfastly refused deployment to New York City, preferring tours of Afghanistan to fighting the urban zombie, we still find an occasional Zombie In Uniform on the street. Most days, you would be urged to lop the zombie’s head off, but for today, just this day, sheathe that machete, look that ZIU in the eye, and give it a heartfelt “Thank you”, before running in terror.
Somewhere, deep inside, he’ll be grateful for the recognition, as well as hungry for your brains.