Talk about assumptions, Jazz Fans! You’d think that zombies and Satan would get along well. Satan steals souls, zombies steal brains. Though it could be argued that having soul is not the same as having brains, (not everyone has soul, fans!) you can’t live without either. You’d think that zombies and Satan would appreciate each others’ work. Perhaps they’d meet at some succubi bar and discuss techniques. Satan would talk about the time he got some guy to sell his soul in order to save his child from cancer, only to transfer the cancer to the father and make the same deal with the child, while the zombie could drool and crack a skull open. I’d love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation– but it would be pretty crowded. Those two would attract a lot of flies.
But as it turns out, folks, Zombies and Satan do not get along, and Thank God! (Although he doesn’t get along with either of them.) To see what I mean, check out this latest episode of WZMB Zombie Radio Show!
If you think about it, fans, it makes sense. What are zombies, after all, but undead ghouls who refuse to go to hell? Who can blame them? Heat is tough on all of us, but heat is murder on zombies. The intense temperatures increase their decomposition rate, leaving nothing but bones and the toughest of tissue. No muscle makes them slower, weaker, and with all the bones rattling against each other, it makes them louder, so they can’t even sneak up on a guy. Satan, on the other hand, has a brain– pretty tasty, by all accounts. That’s why he has those horns– to protect his brain from zombies, and probably to keep birds off.
No, Zombies and Satan are implacable enemies. Good thing, too. It means New York City is stuck with one or the other. Unfortunately, we’re stuck with the zombies.